thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
