Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
