There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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