I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
