guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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