Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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