Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
These tits shall not be calmed
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
