names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
