the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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