weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize