You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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