Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
