yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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