i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
