dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Randomize