Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
