you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
