So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
