and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
