I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
