sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
