I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
