There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
