I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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