Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
