let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
