oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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