My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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