I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
