He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
