Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
