Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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