I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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