Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
