hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
