Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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