Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
