Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
