I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
