We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
