Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
