I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
