I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the room spins SO much faster in panama
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Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
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The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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