i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive