I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex