Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale