someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
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I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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