I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho