I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.