I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am one with the molecules
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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