you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
