That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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