If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
