not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize