i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
