i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
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Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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