It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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