i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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