I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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