Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
