just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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