Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
