The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize