I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
a search helicopter?!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
